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Journal
of Meshka of Tonthela
[Editor's Note: These journal excerpts are based on an actual character that Paula played. Many of the other characters and the events she refers to here were particular to that campaign, so please keep that in mind. This campaign, Paula also notes, tended to be a bit closer to the high-fantasy end of things than many Hârn campaigns. While some of the details in this journal may sound a bit too "high fantasy" for some people's personal vision of Hârn, most of these (e.g. the description of the physical change that overcomes Meshka when she summons the demonness Viboda, for instance) can easily be explained purely in terms of hallucinations, visions, etc. In any case, I feel certain that anyone interested in developing the Eight Demons can harvest some great ideas from this.]
8 Larane, 7xx [Upon which day Meshka is recruited by the Eight Demons]
I don't know whether I'm shaking more from terror or from excitement. I killed her guard, and that's why she didn't kill me. Odd, how the lady's mind works, but I think I understand her reasoning.
They arrived here at _______ yesterday, the Cohorts with their Priestess. Her name is Denama. I'm the only one of us who's actually seen her. They came from Themeson, and they want to help the Baron defend his lands against the Sheriff's troops. Apparently the Cohorts want to be a pain in the King's side in any way they can, even if it means allying themselves, however temporarily, with one of suspect faith. I wonder if Denama knows of the Laranian chapel in the Baron's crypt.
I volunteered to find out more about them, of course, finding out more about things being my job. We do need them, but their presence could be a sword with two edges. I started well enough. Got into the center of their camp and into her tent. Asked directions from her guard, faked him out, and koshed him over the head with my staff. Hit him harder than I meant to, which was probably fortunate after all. Looking around, I found nothing of interest in the front room and little in the second: only a small brazier, a mace, a whip, a few articles of clothing and her clerical robes, and a wooden box with a lizard in it. She lives an ascetic life. Some men — probably Cohorts — came in the front and found the guard, so I slipped out the back. That's when I tripped over the accursed rope to go sprawling on my face in the middle of their camp. I haven't been so clumsy since I passed my uncle's waist.
She questioned me. The lizard rested on her shoulder, its tail wrapped around her neck. One of its eyes regarded me, the other her, neither ever wandering. I told a good tale of how I came to be in her quarters and denied knowledge of the dead soldier. I've had enough practice lying over the years to know when I've done it well. She listened, then looked at the lizard for a moment. Then she looked at me again. The thinnest of smiles passed over her lips.
“Do not cast your eyes down in maidenly modesty! It ill becomes you. Raise your eyes to meet mine!”
I did so. She frightens me, yet I trusted her not to harm me. I search my heart and find I still trust her. I met her eyes.
She spoke to me then, using only the words that were needed and none extra, of my life. My talents, she said, are wasted on protecting the mercantyle interests of my clan. She said I can achieve real power of my own, that I have qualities of will and courage that ideally suit me to study with her. She said she can teach me much.
She can teach me much, I believe.
To avoid punishment for spying in her quarters, I had to prove my worthiness to be her student. The Cohort whom I had struck with my staff lay in a bad way under another tent. She sent me to him, where I was left alone. I changed the poultice on his wound, adding certain herbal extracts I carry in my pouch. His breathing became shallow and less frequent and finally stopped. I passed her test. I can only make sense of what happened today by remembering that being Denama's pupil will put me in an ideal position to know the plans of the Cohorts. I did succeed in my mission, in a way.
__________ [Upon which day Meshka first summons the demoness Viboda]
Power. Sacred Power beyond my mundane dreams of times past. And knowledge. Denama has taught me much, and last night she introduced me to the heart and soul of what it must mean to be of the Order of the Eight Demons. Viboda. Ah Agrik! I close my eyes and taste the blood in my mouth, feel the fire on my skin, know the exquisite pain of her merging with me. Then the rapture, oh the rapture of victory, of commanding even such as her! To know! To know my body as never before. Only through Agrik and his servants can we know our ideal selves.
Last night she told me to come with her. Accompanied by two Cohorts, we left camp and proceeded to a clearing in the woods. Without a word from her, they gathered firewood and started a good-sized fire upon a large, flat rock. Then they withdrew to one side, while Denama gestured for me to kneel before the fire.
“The words I drilled you on yesterday will bring Viboda, if you can say them with sufficient passion. Controlling her is entirely up to you. If you fail, she will devour your body and take your soul to Balgashang. Proceed!”
I stared into the fire and spit into it to hear its heat in the sizzle. Then I pressed the palms of my hands forward as she had taught me, pressing them toward the fire up to the threshold of my endurance for the pain, focusing on the pain. Pain is the key to understanding. Pain reminds us of who and what we are. Pain strengthens us. Pain is life.
Once focused, I whispered the Invocation of the Demoness. I whispered it with love.
Woman's power starts with body,
Muscle, sinew, vital fluids,
Teeth and claws and sweat and blood — oh!
Come, Viboda! Make me stronger.
A face appeared in the fire. Her eyes and tongue and hair all burned — burned with desire for my flesh. Agrik had granted me my prayer. Whether I survived His gift was up to me.The communication that transpired between us cannot be adequately rendered in any mortal language that I know. She presented herself in guises from the horrible to the seductive. I remember her teeth were needlelike spines. Then she passed her flaming tongue across them and they were pearly white and even. She had four arms, then two, then six. She grew a tail that extended itself toward me as a phallus that burned and pulsed with wanting. I fought her, giving in neither to desire nor fear, and finally commanded her to come to me, to enter into me.
Then— She was inside! Burning, raging, ferociously seeking satiation. Now I had to appease her. Treating with any of the sons or daughters of our Lord involves recompense in blood. One never simply commands without giving in return. My clothes had fallen away in ashes from my burning skin, but thick fur replaced them. My feet and hands were equipped with claws. The hair on my head grew long and lashed protectively about my body. My shape changed, becoming any man's or woman's fantasy. My teeth sharpened. I chose the Cohort on the left. He didn't stand a chance. Viboda wanted to play, to test her skills of pursuit and seduction against his speed and will, but I made us kill him cleanly. After her flaming hunger devoured his flesh, then she was tamed enough for me to do with her what I pleased, within the realm of her understanding.
Denama directed me, having me test my explore the enhanced physical capabilities Viboda gave me. Finally she signaled me to kneel again by the fire. I did so and told Viboda to leave me. Of course she did not want to. She wrestled fiercely with my soul, trying to take me with her. Incorporation of others into her being is what she wants most of all. I was stronger than she, however, and prevailed. Smouldering with resentment, she returned to the fire, which then went out. She disappeared with it. Denama had brought a cloak of white cloth with her. She cast it over my bloodstained body, murmuring that I should treasure it as a bride treasures the morning's bloodstained sheets. Accompanied by the remaining guard, whose garments were soaked through with sweat, we returned to camp where I slept deeply.
Addendum: Denama's attitude toward me has changed from this. She has never been disrespectful toward me in the past, but now she is openly respectful. I am looking forward to learning more from her.
__________ [A eulogy for Denama]
Denama passed beyond this worldtoday. She engaged two shades from the Morgathian underworld in combat, attempting to bind and banish them. She succeeded, but one managed to pull her through the gate with it into the darkness. I pray her soul made a different journey than her body.
I wish not to write about her death, however, but about her life. Denama was unlike anyone I knew before, and I am never likely to know anyone else like her. Of average height, she always gave the impression of being taller. Slim, she possessed surprising physical strength in her long, lean muscles. Quiet, she commanded others with few words. Her days were spent mostly in solitary prayer, meditation and physical exercise. Her isolation bred a mystique of which her other acolytes and the Cohorts were in awe.
However, when needed, she would accompany the Cohorts on raids. "Men are weak," she said to me many times, always smiling that thin smile of hers. The men in the Cohorts were never more than tools to her. She had little regard for their lives unless they had proven themselves especially useful. She herself wore mail well, and horses as well as men did her bidding in battle.
Self-mastery gives one mastery of others. Self-discipline gives one the right to discipline others. Internal strength gives one outer strength. I will never forget these lessons — or the teacher.
[Recollections of Temple Life, taken from various dates]
I'm back in the field again, breathing fresh air and with real work to do. This time we're allied with the new Baron of _______, the former Chamberlain of the Baron of ____. The last six months were almost more than I could stand. I think the only reason I endured them is that the alternative was death, and there are battles in this world that still need me.
I won't sully this journal with an account of the Morgathian uprising in Golotha back in ____. It was horrible. I sought refuge in the Temple of the Eight Demons there. Denama had said little of the priestesses here and I wasn't sure if mentioning her name would bring favorable or unfavorable attention to me. Fortunately she seems to have been as highly regarded among these priestesses as she was by those who knew her in _______. I think they even feared her a bit. At any rate, even though she has passed beyond, I was still treated with respect and even kindness.
The night I arrived, I had a broken arm. I was in no shape to set it myself, and so had to wait for morning for a healer to come. One of the priestesses gave me a drug to dull the pain. Then she gave me something to drink which was also drugged. The second drug made the sensation of pain more intense but in a pleasurable way. She showed me how to touch my arm, pressing on it to maximize the pleasure the pain brought me. I was too sick and exhausted to object, but I've never done anything like that again. Since then, of course, I've learned that the priestesses here administer such drugs to Cohorts and then "minister" to them, as a reward for services rendered. Some priestesses are known to be particularly skilled at such erotic practices, and they have loyal followings among the Cohorts. I do not bestow sensual pleasures on my followers to keep their loyalty. There are other ways and, besides, such ritual seems altogether too Halean to be pleasing to Agrik. What is the point of pain if it gives pleasure? The purpose of pain is to give strength.
Denama had spent her days in meditation and never associated with men except for the barest word or two, and even those often relayed through her acolytes. These Golothan Temple priestesses, on the other hand, involved themselves day-in and day-out in intrigue, mostly of a sexual nature. It seemed to me that many Cohorts were more loyal to a given priestess than to their commanding officer. Of course, the officers were also deeply involved in Temple intrigue, sometimes on a different priestess' side than the men under their command. No one was assassinated while I was there, but I understand that is a quite common means of gaining promotion.
After a month, a messenger came from Themeson, and I repaired there to study under Denama's teacher. Her name is Ulakka, and her specialty is demonology. A survivor of decades of Temple intrigue, including the violent birthing of our order, she is a thoroughly unpleasant individual: suspicious, manipulative, controlling, and unsupportive. However, she is highly disciplined, and I did learn a great deal from her about ritual and demonology, although I took care to conceal the pace of my learning and the extent of my knowledge. Inspiring her jealousy was the last thing I needed. I had enemies enough.
There were a dozen or so other Agnichari in training there, although only two were clearly as advanced as I, having summoned Viboda, and one of those two lacked martial prowess and was therefore afraid to push me too far. The other leading acolyte had been Ulakka's student before I had unknowingly supplanted her. She was a masterful intriguer with many loyal supporters among the other acolytes and novitiates and among the Cohorts. The trouble between us brewed until one day, one of her partisan's familiars bit one of my partisans on the foot. At this point I had to take direct action. I couldn't afford to have my energy consumed by this pointless rivalry. I arranged a meeting with her in the town to talk things over, and there I and a few of my partisans ambushed and killed her. One of her partisans was also killed in the scuffle. I brought the bodies back to the Temple and told the priestesses that I had found them dead, a transparent lie of course, but I wanted everyone to have no doubt that I had prevailed in the struggle. I didn't have much trouble after that. The priestesses didn't mind: those who can't take care of themselves don't deserve to live.
The one really good thing that came of my six months at Themeson was my familiar, Boska. Ulakka summoned this minor demon and bound us. At my request he assumed the form of a dark-colored whippet. I wanted my familiar to be able to accompany me when I ride. Of course, he can move more stealthily than any dog, he can see in the dark and sense unseen things, and he can talk. He and I are mentally linked, and he makes a most effective spy. He is always with me, day and night, waking and sleeping. We are one in Agrik. I love him. I feed him fresh meat often, letting him lick the blood from my fingers.
There was not as much sexual activity at Themeson as at Golotha, but there was considerable use of drugs— hallucinogens especially— both during services and individual prayer. Many of these drugs are burned as incense, and some are addictive. Those who become addicted are forever within someone else's control. There are, it seems, many different ways to subjugate.
[Meshka's Temple and Victories Over Herpa the Mace and the Roving Doom]
To be added.
[Denama's Return, Summoning Another Demon, and the Summoning of a V'Hir]
To be added.
[Splitting from the Order]
To be added.
